


you're too good for me

by georgewashingmachine



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Choking (nonsexually), F/F, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, Hanahaki!Veronica, Mentions of Death, Nightmares, Pining, Pining!Veronica, The Hanahaki Disease is cruel, Unrequited Love, hanahaki disease au, lotsa angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-15 02:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11221578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgewashingmachine/pseuds/georgewashingmachine
Summary: Two weeks after Heathers takes place, Veronica finds herself pining after her friend Heather McNamara. Unfortunately, unrequited love can have disastrous results.(( content warning : choking, throat trauma, nightmares, bombs ))





	1. comfort

**Author's Note:**

> whoop new fic !! i hope you all like it ! lotsa angst, happy ending, good times !!!
> 
> ENJOY

"Veronica?"

She recognizes the voice immediately.

"JD?"

"Veronica!" He repeats. His voice sounds distant, far away. Wherever they were, it was pitch black, making it impossible to see.

"Where are you...?" She calls, her voice shaky.

"VERONICA!" It sounds like he's all around her now, his voice coming at her from all sides. She's about to respond when she sees something. Veronica walks towards it, and as she comes closer she can see that it's a display of red numbers, a timer, counting down from what looked like three minutes. It suddenly hits her, what the timer was. 

A bomb.

She hears JD's voice screaming her name again, closer this time. Another set of voices join him.

"VERONICA!" Heather Chandler.

"VERONICA!" Ram Sweeney.

"VERONICA!" Kurt Kelly.

Veronica curls up into a little ball, hugging her knees to her chest and pressing her hands to her ears to block out the four voices. She can hear the little ticks from the bomb, which was now at two minutes and thirty seconds. She can hear other voices, too, of the Heathers and her parents and Ms. Fleming and everybody else, talking to her. Everyone was yelling, trying to be heard over the other voices. Veronica yelled back, a constant stream of "SHUT UP" coming from her mouth. Obviously, they don't listen to her.

One minute.

Veronica is shaking now, crying, just hoping for the bomb to explode so this could end. She feels arms curl around her, and there's a whisper in her ear:

"Veronica? Veronica, it's okay, it's okay, just calm down..." It was JD. Veronica swore she could taste the slushy on his breath. 

Thirty seconds.

"Get away from me!" She protests, but doesn't struggle to break away from his hold. JD comes around to her front so he can face her. He cups her face with his hands, and then he's leaning in, and suddenly they're kissing, all the while there are voices screaming at them. Veronica pushes him away, but he's not moving, and her attempt to escape his kiss becomes more frantic. She can't see the bomb anymore, but she can hear the ticks as it counts down to their deaths. 

Five seconds.

"Veronica's done for," says the voice of the Mythic Bitch herself.

"There's no doubt now!" Comes the chorus of Ram and Kurt's voices. 

"Notify next to kin!" The three say in unison, their voices making the words sound like a song, in a way.

"Veronica's trying to push him away now..." She can feel them around her, Ram and Kurt at her sides and Heather at her back, as if pushing her into JD.

"Too late!"

There's an explosion, and instantly all the voices cease, and she can't feel Heather or Ram or Kurt or JD anymore.

 

\--

 

"Veronica! Wake up!" yells the worried voice of Heather McNamara. Veronica sits up instantly, breathing heavily, eyes wide, body shaking. 

"JD...Chandler...Kurt...Ram..." Veronica murmurs, her voice shaky. She looks disoriented.

"It's okay, it's okay, they're not here, they're not here, nobody's going to hurt you..." McNamara says, hugging Veronica tightly. After a while, Heather backs away. She looks Veronica in the eyes, obviously worried for the brunette. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Veronica nods, then begins to explain her nightmare to Heather, being careful to not leave out any details. By the end of it, Heather is hugging Veronica again. Veronica was trying to hold back tears, biting her lip hard to try and keep from crying. All the while Heather held her tightly, whispering comforting and soothing words into Veronica's ear. She rubbed Veronica's shaking back gently, frowning slightly. She hated seeing Veronica all upset like this.

About a half-hour passes, and eventually Veronica's shaking and crying ceases. Heather still holds her for a moment longer before breaking away. "You okay now?" She asks, tilting her head to the side. Veronica nods, giving Heather a small smile. "Thank you."

"No problem. You know I'm always here to help."

 

\--

 

November 1st, 1989

Dear Diary,

It's been 2 weeks since the whole JD incident ended, but it feels like it just happened yesterday. Recovering from it all has been...rough, to say the least. I'm just glad I have Heather to help me through everything. I don't know what I would have done without her...I'm really grateful for her. And...I feel like I really love her, y'know? Like...there's something more than friendship? I don't know. Maybe I'm just being delusional after that dream.

 

Veronica looked over what she had written. As she read, her grip tightened on the paper, creasing it at the edges as her hands curled into fists. She quickly tore it from her diary and crumpled the paper into a ball, throwing it against the wall. It landed on her bed. She launched her pen after it, and even from this distance she could tell she had left a mark on the wall. 

"Of course you're fucking delusional! She'll never love you like that! You're not even close to another relationship, not after Jason fucking Dean!" 

Once she's stopped yelling, Veronica feels something in her throat, so naturally she coughs to get it out. The thing comes up in her mouth, and she spits it out. What she wasn't expecting was a leaf to fall to the floor.

"What the..." she starts, but she's interrupted by a call from downstairs.

"Veronica! You don't want to miss school, do you?"

Veronica rolls her eyes at the words. Like her parents cared that she went to school or not. 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming."

She stares at the leaf for a moment before walking out the door.


	2. heather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica learns she has Hanahaki and Heather is concerned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is pretty short sorry but enjoy

“Veronica!”  
Veronica knew exactly who it was before she turned to see who was calling her name.  
“Hey, Heather.” She says, doing finger guns at the shorter girl. She lets out a giggle at that, and Veronica smiles back. /God, she’s wonderful…/  
She feels the familiar tickle in her throat from this morning from when she had coughed up the leaf. This time, though, she spits out small white petals.  
“What…?” she murmurs to herself, staring down at the flower petals in her palm.  
Heather tilts her head to the side (which reminds Veronica of the other night) and looks up at her with a puzzled look on her face. “Are you okay?”  
Veronica looks up, closing her hand and putting it down at her side. “Uh, yeah.” She mutters, giving Heather as much of a smile as you could muster when you were coughing up flower petals and leaves. “We should get to class.” She says, starting down the hallway. She shoved the petals in her hand into her pockets so she could investigate later.

\--

Veronica got skilled at hiding her flower petals fast.  
Her personal favorite way to get rid of them was by doing a throw-back-your-head with-your-hand-covering-your-mouth-laugh to hide the cough and get the petals easily. Unfortunately, if you did it too much you would obviously look kind of suspicious.  
Sometimes, Veronica would do a spin so she could spit out the petals with her back to Heather and come back around to face her with normal-looking finger guns filled with not-so-normal little white flowers. Other times she was just forced to cough. One thing Veronica was thankful for, though, was that she never coughed up flowers during class.

\--

By the time school let out, Veronica’s pockets were full of small white flower petals with the occasional leaf. It was time to investigate.  
After shifting through web pages (that were much less modern than the internet today) about the dangers of eating plants, Veronica found something that might be helpful. 

The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.

Veronica stares down at the pile of leaves and flower petals she had dumped on her desk, and types something into the search bar.  
“Well, isn’t this disease just cruel...” She mutters, frowning at the computer screen. “There’s a freaking Heather plant growing inside of me because of…” Veronica pauses, the realization suddenly hitting her. “Heather!” Veronica slams her fists on the table. She goes to say something else to herself but instead white flowers come from her mouth. She does some more searching, and she doesn’t like what she finds.  
“Of course! Of course, white flowers just have to symbolize purity and innocence!” She chokes out, spitting out Heather petals as she speaks. “I hate you! I hate this stupid disease!” Tears prick at her eyes, and she’s scratching at her chest, just wanting to get rid of the Heathers growing inside her.  
This disease was going to be the death of her.


	3. worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay sleepover, oh no nightmares

Veronica was doubting if she really wanted to go to this sleepover. They were now a normal thing, and the two slept over each other’s houses just about every weekend. Today Veronica wasn’t feeling it, but she went over to Heather’s house anyway.   
Veronica swore she blushed when Heather lit up upon seeing her at the door.  
“You’re here! Honestly, I kind of wanted you to stay home because of how strangely you’ve been acting lately. I’m glad you were able to make it!” She says, enveloping Veronica in a hug. She hugged back, even though she felt…self-conscious, in a way, because it felt like Heather could feel the Heather growing in her lungs. She was just relieved when she pulled away and didn’t seem weirded out at all.  
“C’mon. I have a movie set up.” Heather grabs Veronica’s hand, leading her inside.  
“Let me guess. Princess Bride?” she replies, making a finger gun with her free hand.  
“How did you guess?” Heather gasps, feigning surprise. Veronica smiles at that, having a strange urge to kiss the girl right then and there, but after feeling flowers in her throat she quickly shakes the thought from her head and wills the flowers down. Hopefully that would keep them at bay for the night.  
Later into the night, after watching The Princess Bride for the thousandth time, Veronica had fallen asleep with her head resting on Heather’s, genuinely surprised that she had made it this far into the night without choking on flowers. Unfortunately for Veronica, that wasn’t going to last long. 

\--

“Oh, not this again!”  
It was the same dark place from her previous dream, but this time JD wasn’t there.  
“Veronica? Veronica!”  
Her eyes widen at the voice, and she buries her head in her hands, wishing that the voice would just belong to her former boyfriend and not her current crush.  
“Veronica!”   
She doesn’t answer. Heather’s voice gets louder and louder, and more frequent, so all Veronica can hear is the overlapping screams of her name over and over until she’s forced to say something to make it stop.  
“Heather?”  
Silence. Somehow it feels more terrifying than the screams.  
After a while, Heather speaks again. “Are you okay?”  
“No.” is Veronica’s reply.  
More silence.  
“Say something.” Veronica says, staring into the darkness. She can faintly make out McNamara’s form in the distance.  
“Do you love me?”  
Veronica freezes at Heather’s question, and though she doesn’t want to say anything, something wills her mouth open.  
“Yes.”  
“Then why do you hide it?”  
Veronica goes silent, and Heather walks closer to her. She gently grabs Veronica’s shoulders and pulls her up so she’s standing.  
“If you love me so much, then why don’t you show me that you do?” Heather asks, leaning in so she was dangerously close to Veronica’s face. The taller girl wanted to say “Go away”, but of course her mouth doesn’t obey.  
“Because you’re so great and I’m not and I’m going to ruin you and worse, hurt you, because obviously, I hurt everyone around me!”  
Heather was silent for a moment. Veronica almost backed away, but Heather’s hands flew down to her waist and suddenly she didn’t want to move.  
“That’s not true.”  
“Yes, it is!” The brunette yells, panic obviously taking over. “What about Heather Chandler? Kurt? Ram? And especially JD! Hell, Martha even attempted suicide! And that’s not to mention—”  
“Veronica, stop it! It’s not your fault people died, it’s not your fault people attempted to kill themselves, it’s not your fault for anything.”   
“Stop lying to me!” Veronica spits back. “You’re too good for me. You’re perfect and I’m broken and scared and you’d never want to be with someone like me and I’m obviously not ready for another relationship, not after JD, and—”  
“You stop lying to me!” Heather starts, but instead of talking more she leans in. And then they’re kissing, Heather is kissing Veronica, and /Oh my god, what is happening, this is all a dream/.   
Veronica finds herself unable to pull away, and she’s trying because she feels the familiar tickle in her throat and /I’m going to hurt Heather, go away, go away, go away, I’m going to hurt you, go away, go away, I don’t want to do this to you, go away, go away, go away, go away, I can’t breathe, go away, go away, go away, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please, I don’t want to hurt you, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop./  
It’s a whole flower this time, no, a whole plant, and Veronica can feel it creeping up her throat, choking her, and there’s no way to stop it. She can only stand there, her lips locked with Heather’s, as the plant pushes past her mouth. Veronica was crying now, and she’s struggling to pull away, but of course her attempts are useless.  
/Let me pull away, let me pull away, please, please, please, no, no, no, no, no, no, it’s going into you, it’s going to hurt you, it’s going to choke you like it’s choking me, oh god, no, I don’t want to do this, please, just let me pull away, please, I don’t want to hurt you./  
She can’t do anything to stop it. Suddenly she’s able to pull away, and Heather falls to the floor. Instantly Veronica is by her side.  
“No, no, no, no, no, no, please, tell me you’re alive, Heather, please, wake up, wake up, wake up!”   
There are tears streaming down her face, and she’s choking out her words because she can feel another plant trying to come up, this time with the intent to choke Veronica.   
It’s only a matter of time and a lot of suffering and screaming and tears before Veronica is lying beside Heather, immobile, dead.

\--

“VERONICA! Please, wake up! Wake—”  
Veronica’s eyes open to a sobbing Heather.   
“Veronica!” She yelps, her arms wrapping around the other, shaking. “Oh, god, I thought you weren’t going to wake up, what the hell happened in your dream?”  
Veronica pulls away, staring at her blankly. “What…?”  
“You were screaming things and crying, I-I think I heard my name in there. You just…y-you were sleeping soundly and suddenly you weren’t okay and I was trying to wake you up and…” Heather answers, frowning. “What the hell happened in your dream?”  
“I-I don’t want to talk about it.” Veronica responds quickly. Heather looks confused, because usually this was when Veronica would rant about her nightmares.   
“A-Are you sure? It would probably make you feel better, I really don’t mind you ranting…”  
“I’m sure. I-I just…” Veronica’s voice trails off as memories of the dream come back to her.   
Heather shakes her head. “It’s alright, I just want you to know that I’m always here if you need to talk, okay?”  
Veronica gives her a weak nod, hugging Heather again. “I just don’t ever want to lose you.”


	4. panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh no angsty and snappy girls

November passed easily after that. The disease didn’t escalate, Veronica didn’t have any nightmares, choking became less frequent. Veronica wasn’t sure why this was all happening, she was just thankful for it. Once December hit, however, things went downhill and fast.  
Coughing up whole Heather flowers on the bathroom floor of Westerburg wasn’t Veronica’s ideal way to spend her December 1st. But here she was, surrounded by small white flowers and stems and tears.   
“This disease is going to kill you. You’re going to miserably choke to death on this bathroom floor just because Heather McNamara doesn’t love you. She never will. It’s only a matter of time before I die from choking on flowers. What a pathetic way to die. Anything else would be better than this.”  
A bell rang outside.  
Veronica didn’t move. Well, not outside at least. The only reason she moved was so she could get rid of her mess of flowers and tears before someone walked in.   
And someone did walk in. Heather McNamara of all people.  
“Veronica! There you are…Are you okay? What’ve you been doing here?”  
“I’m just…” she starts, not knowing how to answer. “Um, I haven’t been feeling well, I guess…”  
“You haven’t been feeling well a lot lately.” Heather replies, wrapping an arm around Veronica. “What’s wrong…?”  
“A lot is wrong.”  
The blonde frowns at that. “Let’s just…get to class. I promise we’ll talk about this later, okay?”  
Heather leads Veronica out of the bathroom, guiding her to her classes, helping her through the day. Veronica wasn’t really showing it, but she really was grateful for all she was doing for her. But as soon as the blur of a day was over, Heather took Veronica over to her house so they could talk. Veronica avoided her questions, giving half-assed, vague answers. Heather really did try to figure out what was wrong, but eventually she gave up, telling Veronica that they should get some sleep.   
Veronica didn’t shut her eyes. And neither did Heather – she wasn’t going to sleep until the brunette did.  
“What is it?” Heather asks, turning on her side so Veronica could face her.  
“I’m afraid of having another nightmare.” She admits. It was probably the most truthful thing she had said that day.  
“I’ll wake you up, like I always try to do. I promise.”  
Veronica gives Heather a small nod before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

\--

Veronica was glad there weren’t any nightmares that night. She was also glad for Heather helping her through every day while she was in her I’m-accepting-my-sad-miserable-death  
-at-this-point mindset. And that she had learn to swallow down the flowers. It was useful when there were only petals, but she learned that it wasn’t so helpful when a whole flower tried to work its way out of her throat. And unfortunately, she learned that in the middle of class.  
As soon as Veronica felt a flower coming up her throat, she tried to force it back down. It didn’t listen, and she was forced to cough, which only sped up the Heather’s travel. She felt a few eyes on her, including Heather’s, who looked concerned like she did every time a coughing fit began.  
Veronica’s struggle at trying to force the flower down and not cough and bring attention to herself was failing. Soon enough, the whole class was staring at her, and it was only getting worse in her throat. That’s when Veronica started to panic, and she got up and ran out of the classroom.   
Veronica quickly learned that the more worried and panicked you were, the worse the flowers got. She ran outside (not her smartest idea considering it was the middle of December), where she choked out not one, not two, but a whole bouquet of white Heathers. She heard footsteps, and she chucked the bouquet into a bush before whoever (she assumed it was McNamara, because when wasn’t it? The girl was deathly concerned over her) it was could ask questions.  
“Veronica, really, what’s wrong with you?” came McNamara’s voice from behind her. Her voice shook, either from the cold or from worry.  
“I told you, a lot’s wrong.” Veronica snaps.  
“Why is it so hard for you to give me straight answers? I’m sick of you being vague! I’m worried about you, okay? Really fucking worried. There isn’t a day that goes by when I’m not sick to my stomach because you’re obviously not okay. If something’s bothering you, please, tell me! You can trust me.”  
It broke Veronica’s heart to hear Heather so distressed like this, and it broke her heart that she had to keep this a secret from her because she was the source of it all.  
“I can’t tell you.”  
“Why not?!”   
“Because maybe you’re the problem!”  
Heather went silent. “Wh-Wh-What…?”  
Veronica felt tears prick at her eyes. Heather sounded so hurt. “Just leave me alone!”  
Veronica listened to Heather’s footsteps – this time accompanied by soft sobs – as she walked away.


	5. breathless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yay happy ending

Maybe getting surgery would be the best solution. Sure, it risked losing her closest friend and her crush, but at least Veronica still had Martha. Surgery couldn’t be worse than death, could it? /Nothing will compare to Heather. You can never get that back./  
“You idiot.”   
Veronica was talking to herself. She was in her room, lying on her bed and staring up at the ceiling, considering the options she had – surgery or death.  
“How the hell would you even pay for that? How are you going to explain to your parents that there are flowers growing inside you and you need surgery to get them out?” She says, letting out a sigh. Death it is, then. 

\--

Avoiding Heather proved to be difficult. Veronica tried everything – skipping class, skipping lunch, hiding in places from bathrooms to janitors’ closets – but Heather caught on quickly that Veronica was trying to avoid her. Knowing the girl, Heather wanted to talk, so Veronica did her best to dodge any communication from her. Soon hiding from her at school became too stressful, so Veronica opted to stay home.   
Heather, of course, came to her door.  
As soon as Veronica caught the glimpse of the girl from her window, she ran to lock the front door. Her parents got there first.  
“No, don’t let her in!”  
“Why not, Veronica? Heather’s your friend, isn’t she?” Her dad calls over his shoulder, sounding disappointed in a way. Veronica couldn’t care less.  
“Just don’t let her in.”  
Too late – the door was opening. Veronica turned and sprinted up the stairs, locking herself in her room.  
“Veronica, open the door!” Heather yelled, jiggling the doorknob uselessly. There was no reply. “Open the door, please…I-I just want to talk.” Again, silence. “Why do you keep avoiding me? Wh-Why are you so afraid? You-You could’ve told me that I was…bothering you, in some way. Please, just…”  
Meanwhile, Veronica was busy trying to choke down flowers to the best of her ability. This only made more problems, and it wasn’t long before Veronica was gasping for air. She scratched at her chest, wishing these stupid flowers would just go away or kill her, whichever came first. The latter was more likely.  
/This is it. My last moments spent being heartbroken by the girl I love. Pathetic. I hate this stupid fucking disease. It’s so…evil, yet beautiful, and, god, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it./  
Veronica hated everything about this disease. She hated overthinking. She hated panicking. She hated worrying over choking to death at every moment. She hated feeling helpless because she couldn’t breathe. She hated avoiding Heather. She hated being scared of having a relationship. She hated being afraid that she was going to hurt people.   
“Veronica, please, just answer me! Is that so hard?”  
Yes, it was so hard. Heather just didn’t know that. She had no idea that Veronica was fighting for air on the other side of the door. She had no idea that Veronica’s room was slowly being covered with Heather plants as they were coughed up. She had no idea that Veronica wanted so badly to say something, but she wasn’t able to from those fucking flowers.  
“V-Veronica…”  
Veronica brought a hand up to her face. Her cheeks were wet from crying. Her head hurt. Everything hurt.   
She stood up shakily, backed away from the door, and then opened it. She should have done that sooner. She collapsed into Heather’s arms as the door swings away.  
“V-Veronica! Oh, my…Oh my god…What…Wh-What the hell happened? Are you okay? Why…” Heather gasps, holding Veronica close.  
“H-Hanahaki.” Veronica chokes out, her voice small and shaky and scared and weak.  
“What…?” Heather looks around at the flowers Veronica had left in her wake, obviously confused.  
“Unrequited love.” Veronica answers.  
Heather almost laughs at that. “Unrequited love…? You think I don’t love you?” Veronica is now the one that looks confused. “Veronica, hell, I love you so goddamn much, don’t you know that? I-I’ve never actually admitted it, but…yeah, I-I love you.”  
Veronica took a deep breath. Wait…  
She looks down at herself, surprised that she was suddenly able to breathe. The flowers were gone. Gone. Forever.  
Her hold around Heather tightened, and she was crying again, but they weren’t tears of sadness but of happiness.  
“I-I love you too.” Was the only thing she manages to say before Heather connects their lips. And this time Veronica wasn’t scared that she would hurt the girl. The two girls stood there in Veronica’s doorway for quite some time, kissing and smiling and talking and ranting, both of them truly happy for the first time in a while.


End file.
